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My last article was all about how to hire, and now this one is the less fun side: what to do when you have to fire employees. It is so important to make the decision thoughtfully. It is equally important to manage the exit process thoughtfully and with kindness. It is not a nice experience for anyone to go through at any time.

They say, “Hire slowly and fire fast.” The biggest regret given by many executives is that they did not fire fast enough when they knew they should. However, to fire someone is a huge decision. You are impacting their lives and the lives of their families; you could make someone suicidal. It must be done with compassion and gentleness as well as the offer of encouragement and support as they begin their search for new employment. 

Once, the head of HR came into my office to express concern about the behavior of a person on my team and described the situation, which was concerning and unprofessional. This employee was also going around saying, “Fire my boss or fire me!” which truly only allows one option. Your boss has been chosen for that role above you for a reason, whether you agree with that decision or not. Your only option is to do the best you can while working for them. You can still look for other positions in the company or a new job, while doing great work in your current position.

Your boss could be moved to another department or let go or choose to leave, very little is final and permanent. The recommendation from HR was to let the person go and there really was no other choice.

“If the train has already left the station, make sure you’re on board” is one of my favorite business sayings. If you can’t change it, make it work. 

There are so many risks around being sued if you give any reason for letting someone go so 99 percent of all companies just say, “We have decided to go in a different direction,” or “We are pursuing a different strategy that doesn’t work with your skills and experience,” or some meaningless nonsense like that. If you give a truthful specific reason, the chance of a lawsuit is always high. The higher the person in the company, then the higher the chance as the amount of money a lawyer is going to ask for is much more. It is a shame that the cost of being truthful is too high, but it is. This is why it is always important to let HR handle the process with you, ensuring you cannot be told later that you made any technical legal mistakes with a person who is going through an undesired and unhappy experience.

Most of the people I have come across in business speak flippantly about firing people, especially if they have cost targets they need to achieve. This does not just apply to private equity funds that are trying to ensure their portfolio companies make profit targets, but also to business unit leaders with their own set of targets to achieve so they keep their positions.

One of the things I am most proud of, perhaps ironically, is an executive I did not fire. He was very different from me, and I found it hard to understand the ideas that he came up with to improve his business unit. Looking back, I believe I should have delved deeper into the thought and rationale behind the ideas. I thought that he did not run his business strongly enough. A few days after letting HR and the CFO know my plan, my head of HR came up to me.

“You don’t have the support you think you do to fire that person,” she said. 

It was like a flash of insight that my brain heard clearly. I asked a few clarifying questions and then immediately reversed the plan. I saw the executive in a whole new light and realized that his team loved him and that, in fact, I needed to listen to him more carefully. The next time we met, he said to me, “Listen, I am really going to work hard to get the results we need, you won’t be disappointed in me.” Obviously, like anything in a corporation, my secret plan had not been kept secret (and you should never expect it to be).

I immediately apologized to him, “Listen, you are a great leader and loved by your team, and I need to work harder to fully understand your ideas.” I have never found it hard to apologize for a mistake I believe I have made. It is the least I can do, and then make sure I learn from it.

Conversely, earlier in my career, I had hired a new executive by myself without the multiple interviews with my leadership team I installed afterward. After six months, my CFO came in my office and complained about this person. He told me several of my executives felt the same as he did. This was the system at work: If executives were upset about a team member, they would go to the CFO and tell him before coming to me. If enough came to him and he agreed with their views, then he would come to me with the issue. This actually avoided executives coming to me individually and complaining about each other so it worked rather well. If my CFO came to me, then I knew it was a strong group feeling. 

“This person tells us what to do by saying, ‘Janet said we have to do …’” the CFO said, as one issue of complaint because I taught that decisions have to be owned by the person talking about them. 

Reluctantly, I agreed that the operator did not fit our culture and we should let them go, which we did. I made the decision for the harmony of the executive team though, looking back, I do wonder if it was the best decision. For example, I could have decided that conflict in the executive team was fine if this team member could get things done that needed to be done. It all depends on the kind of leader you want to be at that time. 

Another time, I had to fire someone for inappropriate behavior. I did not realize that years earlier and before I was an employee, this person had helped another executive in a key area. After that I could never get the remaining executive to communicate clearly with me or support what I was trying to do. I could not pinpoint why until I brought it up with another employee and they gave me the back story. Obviously, I would have still had to let the employee in question go, but next time, I would delve deeper into the dynamics between my executives and know what to expect as their reactions in these difficult firing situations.

Twice, I joined a company where the executive who had wanted the position I was given was still at the company in their role. Both times, I experienced a lot of aggression from the disappointed executive. They were eager to prove to everyone that I was bad at my job and that therefore the company should have promoted them rather than deny them that chance at the role.

Both times, the only solution was for both executives to move to a different position not in my pyramid or leave the company. It is impossible to carry out your duties when one team member is constantly questioning every decision you make, every idea you have, and belittling you behind your back. You will not be able to change their behavior because, no matter what you do, they want you out and they want your job. It is not personal, it is not about you. It is a losing situation which needs to be recognized by your manager or board. I have found this recognition is usually very quick and the support is there to make changes. Ultimately, it is healthier for both them and the company, for them to move on to a new opportunity somewhere else.

Mostly, the person let go will hate you forever. That is just a fact of life. If you try and position it as, “I am acting in your own best interest as you will be happier somewhere else,” it sounds false and unsympathetic. It makes it sound as if you think are doing them a favor when you know you are causing them pain. So, if you want to be encouraging, the best you can do is offer to be a good reference for them and provide outplacement services (which help former employees with their search for a new position).

I have only ever managed once to stay good friends with an executive I had to let go. I think it was more due to her extraordinary nature than my doing. I was glad to stay in touch and see her thrive elsewhere.

In summary, being fired never feels good. Firing someone also never feels good to most people. Manage a process where you can hold your head up high and, looking back, feel you acted with sensitivity and compassion, while getting the exit you needed. That way you avoid strong future regrets.

Janet Lewis Matricciani is a two-time CEO who has worked all over the world and is multilingual, now sharing her business lessons publicly. She can be reached at [email protected].